Last week I had the chance to reconnect with a former colleague and friend to get caught up on life over a brilliant sushi buffet. Heading into the meal, little did I know that our soon to be conversation would forever change my perspective on leadership. For the purposes of this article we’ll refer to my friend as King Salad. (weird to say this but he’s got impeccably styled hair [aka salad], and if you’ve seen a picture of me you’ll know why I’m saying this as I’m a bit lacking in this department)
Eventually conversation with King Salad drifted into the inevitable “how’s work coming along this year so far”. King Salad’s first comment both surprised me and caught my attention as he said, “I’m focusing my energy in 2016 on ‘Managerial Courage’. Not to say that I wasn’t interested in the conversation prior, certainly not the case, but without knowing it he had just triggered something in me which made me ultra-alert and increasingly interested to learn more about his perspective of Managerial Courage. As I sat on the edge of the booth listening to King Salad share with me why he was focusing on Managerial Courage a thought jolted my brain which hit me like a lightning bolt. King Salad never saw any of this but he was probably wondering why I was so enthusiastically engaged in the conversation, no longer even eating. What was the lightning bolt that stopped me from eating my precious sushi? I realized something that I had never thought of before: Managerial Courage is the linchpin, the cornerstone, the apex for all things related to leading successfully. It was so clear in that moment! In the absence of Managerial Courage all other leadership qualities and characteristics suffer as without Managerial Courage we can only hope to be mediocre at best when it relates to leading and influencing others. What is Managerial Courage anyways? Simply put – it’s doing the right things as a leader, especially during tough times. Seems simple, yet it’s devilishly difficult to act on consistently. A deeper look into Managerial Courage and we find that it can be further described as a set of actions and beliefs a leader possesses which define who they are and how they go about leading and inspiring others. These actions and beliefs include:
The more I thought about it the more I realized that all this time I’ve missed the bigger picture as it relates to successfully leading others. I even laughed at myself because the notion of Managerial Courage has been in front of me for years yet I had failed to connect the dots leading to my current awareness on the matter. I always knew to lead successfully you had to care about those you supported as well as come to grips with the fact that the decisions you make won’t always be the right ones. I knew leading was an art, not something to be achieved at a moment in time, but something to work towards continuously throughout an entire career as a student of the game. What I didn’t realize until this past week was that the genesis of leadership, the very foundation that exceptional leadership stands on, comes from Managerial Courage. It takes great tenacity, strength, fortitude, mental determination and care to be a leader and do so successfully. You can’t fake leadership, you can’t say one thing then act another. People see right through that. Sure, anyone can be a leader, but those who do it successfully stand head and shoulders above their counterparts. It’s worth mentioning that few people fall into the category of great leaders which is why the concept of Managerial Courage is so important. Courage is the very essence of what leadership is all about. I am beholden to my friend King Salad for the awareness he brought to me over our sushi meal, it was an invaluable learning opportunity one which I’m thrilled to share and pass on. What does Managerial Courage mean to you?
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I’m a paperback reader, always have been, always will be. Sorry Kindle, you just don’t do it for me.
The act of reading allows us to experience life in a way that few mediums can truly impact us. When you find a great book it often has the power to uplift you from the present taking you to a far off place where you completely forget about time or the actual place you’re curled up in. Books can give off the feeling of hanging out with a new friend or the excitement of a first date. They can thrill us and keep us on edge for days on end as the story itself becomes a part of our life. When I hear people talk about books like this they are almost always referring to some sort of fiction based book, often times written by larger than life authors like Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, John Grisham, Dean Koontz and even Nicholas Sparks, to name a few. What if you could find a book that had this same type of impact but actually made a difference in the way you live, both personally and professionally? Of course, there are endless options to choose from but which ones are truly great. So great that these books stand on the shoulders of the other books which typically receive all the fanfare. Could such a book exist? With this very thought I began a quest to find some of the greatest books out there, searching for a lifetime of impact within a couple hundred pages. I started asking others about the books they’ve read which changed their life or the way they viewed themselves and their surroundings. I sought to understand why they loved the book and what change it brought about. My quest took me to read all sorts of different books, some living up to their recommendation, many falling far short of it, in my opinion. I didn’t want books that were just touted as great reads because they appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers list. I wanted book recommendations from people I trusted who shared with me these nuggets of knowledge based on their earth shattering experience. The following 10 books have impacted my life in a way that I didn’t think was possible before I set out to read each book. They changed me for the better professionally and personally, as a leader, as a friend, a colleague, a husband and father. They changed the way I care for others and how I show affection, they helped me with my vulnerability (let’s be honest this can be a tough thing for most men) and of course my thought process. For information on each book including author and a short write up on my experience with the book click here. In no particular order these are the 10 books that positively changed the way I live, work and think: Personal & Mindset: 1. The Go Giver (my #1 book) 2. 4 Seconds 3. Finding Ultra 4. Season of Life Professional/ Business Reading: 5. Good to Great 6. Authentic Leadership 7. The Answer 8. Start With Why 9. Spin Selling 10. Five Dysfunctions of a Team Each of these books has allowed me to transform myself into a better me, perhaps you will have a similar experience. I still have a long way to go as it’s not about the end result but the journey along the way. I have a lot to still learn and much more to read. I’m forever grateful to the people who recommended these readings. Recently I found myself in a really interesting conversation with a longtime friend about relationships, dating to be more specific. My friend was sharing with me that he had just started dating a new girl at the beginning of January and was excited about the chemistry they had at such an early stage in the relationship.
As the conversation continued I learned that my friend and his new girlfriend, yes titles are already in full swing four weeks into it, are moving rather quickly in their relationship and the conversations about future events and experiences are permeating their every moment. My friend, let’s call him Nacho, further shares that “things are escalating quickly”. Nacho confides in me that he’s in a bit of a tight situation as he’s only been dating his new girlfriend for about a month and Valentine’s Day is coming up in less than a week and doesn’t know what he should do. I had to laugh because I knew exactly where he was heading. What should good ole Nacho, or any man for that matter, do in this situation as his decision on the upcoming event could make or break the future of this new budding relationship. As we discussed further we concluded there were three main options to choose from:
As we further discussed each option I shared with him a phrase I’m all too familiar with in the professional setting and in this particular case found it rather helpful. “Nacho, what do you know about Managing Expectations?” I said. He immediately shared with me that ‘Managing Expectations is when you’re realistic upfront in order to prevent disappointment on the back end. Simply put – don’t over promise and under deliver.’ Bingo! Nacho hit it spot on. To find out which option Nacho picked and what the result was, click here. Is Your Word Worth A Damn?5/20/2016 “Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” I came across this quote over the weekend and found myself captivated by the bold statement it made. The words ‘commitment’, ‘loyal’ and ‘mood’ in particular stuck out to me as if they were capitalized, jumping off the page, further adding to the importance of the message.
The more I thought about it the more I began to consider a very interesting and unfortunate reality that we’re all faced with in business and our personal lives. As I continued to think about the meaning I was reminded of an old saying that went something like “you’re word is your bond and you’re only as good as your word”. Is this still the case today? I find many of the conversations and spoken words we’re exposed to today are just that, words and nothing more. These words are often times hollow, lacking depth and sincerity. When people speak the personal integrity which used to come right along with their spoken word back in the day now falls flat on its face in 2016. In the olden days business was done over handshakes and nods of affirmation. When someone said they were going to do something people knew they meant it and there was little thought otherwise on the matter. In the rare moments someone didn’t keep their word their reputation quickly become tarnished as the people they associated with would regard them as someone lacking integrity, having poor character and couldn’t be counted on. Given today’s social and business environments it’s apparent we’ve drifted from the days when a person’s word was basically the same as currency. Today, we often use words to fill silence, as a hollow courtesy, small talk where we don’t listen to the answer or as a way to exit the presence of another. Have you ever done one of these?
When we communicate in this way, making statements of commitment without following through, it negatively impacts our relationships as people begin to bring into question our:
If we’re all mostly good hearted then why do we make verbal commitments and not follow through? The reason is because we don’t realize the disparity between our intent and the impact of our words. Case in Point: When we run into an old friend or acquaintance we haven’t seen in a long time inevitably the conversation comes to an end. Often times that end sounds something like, “let’s get together soon and catch up.” I would guess more times than not that reunion never takes place and the second we’ve left the person we were talking too we’re quickly back into our lives, forgetting about the verbal commitment that was just made. In this case the situation was a social interaction, one which has limited consequences for our hollow commitment. Perhaps the surest test of an individual's integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect. Thomas S. MonsonWhat if we did this same thing in the office? It happens much more than you think it does in the professional setting and it’s negatively impacting our job and we don’t even know it. Case in Point: We’ve just left the break room and are scuttling back to our lair (office, cube, bean bag, what have you) to jump back into our day’s work. On our way we see a colleague coming towards us in an inevitable collision course which is going to require us to say something. As we begin to pass one another we speak up and say “Hi Bob, how are you” and keep walking. Major fail! We asked a disingenuous question and then had the nerve to not stick around to hear the answer. We gave Bob a glimpse of humanity then ripped his heart out by showing him we actually didn’t care about what he said. What if I told you that Bob just found out some really awful and disheartening news? As you were passing by him in the hallway, by the way you and Bob have been colleagues for years, he could have really used someone to talk too. By you asking how he’s doing what if he actually needed someone to talk to and it was more serious than a case of Mondays. We just asked Bob how he is doing, which we didn’t know in the moment that apparently he is pretty awful, then quickly hurried away without hearing the answer, further making him feel worse as if we don’t care about him or what he has to say. We would have been better off passing by him and saying nothing (I don’t recommend you stone wall people and not acknowledge their presence as this won’t take you far in your career) than saying something we didn’t mean and didn’t care to hear the answer too. If you want real enjoyment and prosperity in your life and relationships, whether that be personal or work, take the time to commit to your words. When we speak and follow up on those words with real action we begin to develop a reputation of someone who is dependable, trustworthy and the type of person you would call if you really needed help. My pledge - I will pay more attention to my words and follow through on my verbal commitments. When I ask someone how they are doing I will wait for the answer, listen intently and respond accordingly. Are you willing to make this same pledge with me? ‘It’ can be an exhilarating experience causing you to forget about the present time or one where you’re looking for the exit door in a panic as every minute passes by. You may think to yourself ‘where has this person been all my life’ or ‘as soon as I can end this politely we both know we’ll never talk again.’ You’re pitting out your button up shirt, not because it’s hot, because you’re nervous and trying to make a good impression. You’ve got butterflies in your stomach, but are those butterflies of excitement or butterflies leading to vomit?
Which experience am I describing here, a first date or a job interview? What if I told you I was describing both, a first date AND a job interview! We don’t often associate first dates and job interviews as one in the same however the more we look into each experience and how we act during them we come to find that both of these human interactions are eerily similar. How does knowing this information help me with dating and interviewing? Read on to find out… Let’s take a look at why first dates and job interviews share so much in common. - First Impressions: This is the holy grail of decision making when it comes to whether or not we like someone initially. Failure to have a good first impression will more often than not result in a second interaction never making the calendar. Psychologists call it "thin slicing." Within moments of meeting someone, we’re deciding and making assumptions on all sorts of things about the other person, from status, intelligence, career success and even promiscuity. This can be as quick as 7 seconds! What that means is that everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, which can make things tricky because often times both parties are wondering if the person they’re talking too is the ‘real’ John Doe or the in-character John Doe. - Chemistry: You know it when it exists. Things just seem easy. You laugh more, you tend to lean in closer to the other person more often and you even overlook potential red flags because your gut is already invested in the other person long before your brain has had a chance to catch up. On the other hand, when chemistry is lacking you feel like you’re on a date with your sister. It’s awkward and feel it from your fingers to your toes. - Communication: Communication is much more than just verbal, it also includes nonverbal cues like the unspoken word and body language. Ever been in an interview and eye contact communicated more in 4 seconds what a 10 minute conversation could accomplish? I’ve been there and it’s a powerful experience. When our verbal communication is locked in sync it can feel like we’ve been friends for years. When communication struggles it feels like pulling teeth to have an average conversation. Both people may be speaking English but it seems as if one person is speaking Russian while the other is a Mandarin linguist. We become bewildered and confused, not exactly a great start towards building a solid relationship. - Commonalities: “Wow, went to USC as well. Fight On!” “You’re from Handsome Eddy, New York also? What a small world.” Finding common ground during a first date or a job interview can immediately disarm both parties allowing more casual conversation to occur. Bonding takes place over the things we find out we have in common such as our love for golf, knitting that fabulous turtle neck sweater for the holidays or volunteering for a similar cause. It doesn’t really matter what it is so long as we have something in common. Most of us don’t realize that when we’re in the moment what we’re looking for is something we already know and like – ourselves. When we struggle to find something in common it has a direct negative impact to that chemistry we’re trying to build on. - Perception vs. Reality As the date and or job interview continues we inevitably begin to ask question to get to know the person in hopes of better understanding them and what they bring to the table. Many times what happens during these exchanges is that we get a glimpse into a person that isn’t very real at all. I don’t believe people do this on purpose, at least most people, however the fact of the matter is in a first date and job interview we are doing our darndest to put our best foot forward. As a result people can often times misrepresent themselves for who they are and what they’re all about. This is similar to the honeymoon stage where only after a period of time we’ll be able to know if the person today is the same tomorrow. - Emotion Love at first sight! Let’s face it, emotion is a part of every first date and job interview, but it can also help us or hurt us in our decisions. Help us in that if we become emotionally invested in the other person it allows us to overlook small red flags that otherwise might get in the way of us making a decision that could be good for both parties. Emotions can also hurt us because if we experience something which causes our ego or pride to be damaged we then make decisions that aren’t in the best interest of the interview or date but in protecting ourselves. - The Angle “What’s he really all about?” This is a very logical and typical thought for people to think during a job interview or first date. It signals that we’re trying to look behind the veil and see if we can uncover anything that isn’t necessarily being presented upfront. In the dating world ‘the angle’ often can be described as the feeling that the person is just hoping to go home with you for a nightcap to your first date. Job interviews can have the same outcome. Candidates are angling to get a job, sometimes presenting themselves in a light which makes them appear more qualified than they really are. Employers also do the same by up-selling the career opportunity to entice candidates to consider the role even though the actual work might not be nearly as glamorous as how it was made out to be. What does all of this mean? It means that people by their very nature go about experiences, such as first dates and interviewing for jobs, in a fairly predictable way. While the outcome might be out of our control, the way we go into the experience and how we handle ourselves during the experience greatly influences the outcome. Knowing this information, that first dates and job interviews are similar, can help you go through each experience with a broader perspective allowing you to make better decisions for yourself and potential career or company. Next time you find yourself on a first date or job interview remember that these human experiences are designed to see if it is worth it or not to have a second go around. The best approach is to just be yourself, as a result you’ll find that your interactions with others are far more valuable to you and the person on the other side of the table. About the AuthorTravis Smith is the founder and managing director of Square-1 Engineering, a medical device consulting firm, providing end to end engineering and compliance services. He successfully served the life sciences marketplace in SoCal for over 15 years and has been recognized as a ‘40 Under 40’ honoree by the Greater Irvine Chamber of Commerce as a top leader in Orange County, CA. Categories
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