Zip It Up & Become an Exceptional Leader5/20/2016 Zip it up! Not the fly on your knickers. (then again, if your fly is down please do zip it up)
Zip it, your mouth that is! Our mouths enjoy writing checks our bodies can’t cash and it’s going to catch up with us in a hurry, if it already hasn’t. Are you getting a bit agitated that someone would tell you to close your mouth and listen? Don’t worry, I struggle with this as well, along with the large majority of leaders in business, politics, sports…you name it. I’m writing this with a bit of tongue-in-cheek on purpose, but I promise my brazen efforts are only to share with you a great truth about leadership. That truth is the art of listening. As in, not speaking and allowing others to talk, a foreign concept for many of us. Why is listening an important habit to develop to be a good leader? Those who possess the ability to listen earnestly experience deeper relationships, advanced awareness of how they show up and how others are impacted by them (EQ), are genuine in their care for others and are touted as being “leaders people would run through a wall for”. To become an exceptional leader, you must develop your ability to listen. You may be thinking, “Well, that’s not very profound. I listen all the time.” But, do you really listen? Let’s see how good of a listener you are. If you’ve done one of the following in the last week you’ll want to continue reading this article:
Why is it we don’t listen? Short answer – our egos get in the way of allowing someone else the stage to talk. The long answer – Perhaps you’re the exception as your listening skills are top notch. For everyone else out there, which I’ll gladly throw myself into this boat, as leaders we struggle with listening. We tell ourselves that others are wrong; only we know the truth; “I don’t have time for this”; I can multi-task while we’re talking; my point makes more sense; they’re idiots; they must not see the big picture (love that one); they have to hear my side before we can move on, etc. With so much going on in the world today it’s easy to fall into the trap that you don’t have time to have a conversation, especially if that conversation isn’t of grave importance. Leaders – read closely here. The success of your job depends on your ability to listen. Forbes writer Glenn Llopis says that when “leaders judge, they expose their immaturity and inability to embrace differences.” Did you know that your act of not listening actually sent such a strong communication to the person on the other end? Imagine how it made them feel! How can we fix this? Short answer – zip it (our mouths that is) and focus on the person in front of you. Long answer – put away your phone, your work at hand, close your computer screen or turn it off, close your door for that matter and stop mulling over that rerun episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians you watched for the sixth time last night. Do whatever you need to in order to give the person on the other side of the table your complete and undivided attention. WHY should we focus on being better listeners? If you haven’t come to the conclusion by now, we may need to get some backup in here asap. Let me get to the point then. Your job and career as a leader depends on it. People follow and support leaders who live a servants’ mentality which means when their people have an idea, a question, a problem, or a wild haired suggestion, they listen as if listening is going out of style. Being a servant doesn’t mean a leader is weak, it means their people and company come first, before themselves. Conversation is the gateway to a persons’ mind, body and soul. Its best we listen or we’ll run the chance of missing out on some truly incredible moments.
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“Leadership is easy!” said no one ever.
Why is it that leadership is so difficult and hard to master? Well, for starters it’s a role that is largely trial and error, skill learning in the moment on the job. That means a lot of what we know and learn over time about being a leader comes from mistakes and blunders people have made before us. My career with leadership was no different. At the age of 23 I found myself in my first ‘management’ role and was scared out of my mind. Notice I used the word ‘management’, not leadership. There’s a big difference in the two. The spark of a great leader is someone who acknowledges and accepts they don’t know it all and asks for help. Simple, yet incredibly difficult to put into practice. As the years went by and my leadership prowess developed, I began to grow more and more confidence in my ability to lead others, influence and develop those around me. Though my confidence grew, I found as time went on the challenges I was faced with grew in size and significance. Confidence, or an inflated level of confidence, can be a big black eye for managers as it can cause people to overlook basic ways of leading that should never go unattended. My father has always told me, “You come from the school of hard knocks, it’s in our family, so don’t fight it, just learn from it.” And learn I did… Looking back on my earlier years in leadership there were three incidences I encountered that go down as the biggest mistakes of my career. While they were indeed mistakes on my part, the learning lessons that came of these situations were priceless to my overall learning and education in the art of leadership. Mistake #1 - Hiring the Wrong People I was a couple years into my leadership role overseeing a technical division. We were growing and seeing some good success and needed to hire people to keep the growth curve climbing north. After interviewing a variety of candidates I became inpatient (a lifelong battle of mine) in that I had not found the ideal person to join our mob squad of high performers. Throughout the interview process there was one person, we’ll call him Negative Norm, who had most of the characteristics I was looking for however it was plain as day to see that he had a hug ego and it was all about what Negative Norm was going to get from us, not what he was going to bring to the team. With my lack of leadership experience leading my decision making I hired Negative Norm and did the ole ‘cross your fingers and hope for the best’ routine. Dang it! What a dumb mistake that was. I still cringe about that experience today even though it’s been many moons since it happened. Not only did Negative Norm come in and create all sorts of disruption to the great culture we had worked so hard to develop on the team over the years but he also soured one of my best employees. We end up firing Negative Norm six months into him joining our team, which probably cost our company a boat load of money in tangible and intangible costs, as well as gave me a disenfranchised team and culture. I then had to deal with a declining all-star on our team who had become transfixed with the notion, thanks to Negative Norm, that he was working too hard and didn’t feel like this was the right place for him. Prior to disruptive Negative Norm entering our team this all-star employee was the quintessential idea of what a great employee should be. Lesson #1 as a Result of Mistake #1 – if you can’t find the RIGHT person, don’t make a hiring decision at all. You’re better off waiting and being patient to find the right person rather than settle for someone who could really make a mess of what you’ve worked so hard to build. For the full article click here My Misery Thanks To Poor Leadership5/20/2016 Ever been in a situation where you witnessed something go from bad to worse and all you could do was stand and watch? Maybe it was bad enough where you had to avert your eyes, turn away and pretend like it wasn’t happening. Watching from a far you might have even said to yourself in the moment, “what are they doing?!” followed by a couple choice expletives.
If you’ve experienced this before then you know EXACTLY how I felt this past weekend watching my Cincinnati Bengals lose the first round wildcard playoff game on Saturday against our arch rivals the Pittsburgh Steelers. Bear with me here as I am going to do my best not to drone on and on about the awful showing my team put up the other evening as there’s actually a great learning lesson that came from it which is incredibly applicable to our professional lives. Applicable indeed, especially if you are in a leadership position or hope to be in a leadership role at some point in the near future. Poor leadership impacts everyone around it, everyone being you, me, the company, the customer, in this case the fans, etc. In business this typically shows up in the form of poor communication, discipline issues, bad decision making, people working in silos, losing one’s ‘cool’ and under performing in key situations. As for myself, I’ve done a couple of these in my leadership tenure and learned a lot from it so I can share first hand that these are some of the biggest leadership killers out there. Ironically, those characteristics of poor business leadership I just shared are also the things we witnessed in Saturdays NFL playoff game when the Bengals single handedly gave away their win to the Pittsburgh Steelers. First, let me say that if you’re reading this and you happen to be a Steelers fan…congrats on the win, well played. You all deserve to keep your season alive. Now that I feel better about myself for playing nice and being a good loser I’ll continue my rant on Cincinnati’s poor leadership. Before we move into the meat of things, it’s important I set the stage with some background info in the event you’re not up to date on your Cincinnati Bengals trivia. Heading into Saturdays game against the Steelers, my Bengals came to the table with some stats which certainly point in the direction of this game being incredibly important. Here’s the bottom line on the boys in orange and black:
Needless to say, it’s tough being a fan of Cincinnati at the moment. Regardless of your thoughts and feelings on the NFL, the stats above tell a very clear and frustrating story. It seems as if the executive team and owners of the Bengals franchise overlook these statistics of poor leadership performance, while as a fan looking from the outside in its plain as day to see the issues and how to resolve it. The Cincinnati Bengals (like many businesses we’ve all worked at) struggle to realize that their inability to be successful is a direct result of their leadership. A lack of good leadership makes it difficult for even the best and brightest talent to perform at a high level. Back to Saturday’s game. Cincinnati’s loss will go down in the books as a complete and utter meltdown. Let’s examine the last two minutes of the game so we know what happened and why the Bengals lost:
The last two minutes of that game came down to a team being able to perform under pressure (Steelers) and a team imploding from their own lack of discipline and selfishness. (Bengals) Since the game, commentators have cited the players as the issue as the reason why the Bengals lost. I happen to have a different perspective. When teams win or businesses succeed, the best leaders are always quick to give praise to their team indicating the group effort and high performance as the reason for the success. However when good leaders are faced with unfortunate circumstances rather than cast that blame on the team they shoulder responsibility for themselves. That’s what good leaders do…they give praise for a job well done and take blame when things go bad. When it comes down to it leading is more than just a title and a seat up on top. To be good in leadership you first have to care about those around you, then build a platform for people to be wildly successful. Excuses, mediocrity, bad attitudes, a lack of accountability, what have you, have no place in this world for those who want to be successful. To be great you must think and act for others first, yourself always second. While I never would wish bad things to happen to another individual, such as Marvin Lewis the Head Coach of the Bengals, my hope is that ownership wakes up before the beginning of next season and makes some changes. Without those changes we’ll continue to be a mediocre team falling short of what could be a great program for years to come. As they say, “There’s always next year”. Understanding The Mind Of A Millennial5/20/2016 In early November 2015 I wrote an article on the four reasons why Millennials will change us for the better, professionally, in the years to come. Since then I’ve had several opportunities to discuss that article as well as Millennials in general. Thanks to the help of a close friend (a Millennial) who offered some perspective on the topic I’ve managed to come to a conclusion on why Millennials and past generation’s leaders experience challenge. My conclusion: few people that are non-Millennials actually understand what drives Millennials and how to harness that knowledge to successfully coexist.
I was able to reach this conclusion as a result of three sets of experiences: 1) I’ve been lucky enough to manage Millennials closing in on 10 years and have experienced firsthand what they like, dislike and just straight up won’t deal with. Some of these experiences were successes and others, well not so much. One thing is for certain all the experiences have been great learning lessons, especially those in which I made mistakes. 2) I’ve read dozens of articles, books and blogs from reputable sources that speak in one regard or another to the change, challenge and complexity of managing new generations entering the workforce, in particular the Millennial generation. These resources often times talk about the differences between the Millennials and other generations which provides insight and perspective. 3) From an age perspective I fall on a weird time continuum where I don’t exactly belong to either generation, Gen-X or Millennials 100% as my date of birth falls on the cusp of when Gen-X ends and Millennials begin. As a result I have been told that I have a unique set of characteristics which are a combination of the two generations: an old school work ethic with a new school approach to business and leadership. While my conclusion on the Millennials and reasons supporting it aren’t entirely scientific I do believe it gives me a unique approach in dealing with and understanding Millennials which is the reason for this article. In prior articles I’ve shared that good leadership is an art form, one which is incredibly difficult to master. In the old days leading was mostly done by fear, with a command and conquer, take no prisoners attitude. Millennials are teaching us lots of new things, one of the biggest being that authoritarian leadership isn’t the only way, or best way for that matter, to successfully get things done at the office. Millennials are changing the way we go about business as entire industries are changing their marketing strategies and how companies present themselves, in an attempt to adjust to the Millennial juggernaut. Leadership is also changing as a result of the Millennials, the change is slow but we’re seeing change nonetheless. Perhaps you’ve witnessed it, or read one of the thousands of articles or books on the Millennial subject, as a result you know that traditional management styles are failing to produce the same results with the young professionals of today. The reason why the authoritarian leadership style struggles to successfully work with the Millennial generations goes back to my conclusion. So let’s dive into the mind of the Millennial to better understand how they operate (as I dare to grossly stereotype an entire generation – this will be fun):
To continue diving into the Millennial mind click here for the full article. Learn To Delegate Like A Champ5/20/2016 “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.”Have you ever heard someone say that before? Perhaps you’ve said it yourself. I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I’ve said it on several occasions each time not realizing the impact my words and actions had on the people around me, including myself.
When I think of the concept of leadership the words that come to mind which best describe someone who possesses great leadership abilities are words like servitude, guidance and influence. Delegation, which certainly falls within those words, is a powerful action a leader can take to empower the people around them while also alleviating workloads from their plate. Harvard Business Review refers to delegation as a critical skill for leadership. HBR also shared insight from Jeffrey Pfeffer, the Thomas D. Dee II Professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business, who said: “Your most important task as a leader is to teach people how to think and ask the right questions so that the world doesn’t go to hell if you take a day off.” A recently published study indicated that 78% of employees in major corporations think that their bosses routinely do work that could be effectively delegated. The research also revealed that 66% of managers said that they would like to increase their use of delegation as a time management and personnel development tool. When I first saw these statistics I was a bit confused. How can that be? More than ¾ of employees feel their bosses need to delegate more, whereas almost the same number of people who are considered the ‘boss’ realize that delegation is important and they need to do more of it. Both parties involved, the employee and leader, recognize the importance of delegation, yet it isn’t happening, or to the degree that is needed within the workplace. Rather than spending time focusing on why delegation isn’t happening in the workplace I figured it would be better to focus on what can be done to improve it. (If you’re interested learning more about why leaders struggle with delegation I suggest reading this article as it provides a comprehensive overview of the root cause of delegation issues) Improve your delegation efforts by following these three steps: Breakdown Your Responsibilities Spend 15 minutes listing out all of your responsibilities over the course of a typical day or week. Do you have projects that are ongoing or initiatives coming up soon? List out each activity or item and give it a rating based on the following scale: 1 – Vital to company, high profile importance AND time sensitive (within the next week), 2 – Vital to company, but not time sensitive (doesn’t occur in the next week), 3 – Important to the company but verging on a ‘nice-to-have’ 4 – Not important to company or divisional/ department performance Now that you have rated your responsibilities you’ll want to start by getting rid of anything you labeled as a ‘4’. Don’t delegate this work, don’t put it on the backburner. If it isn’t important you shouldn’t be spending time on it. Anything you labeled as a ‘2’ or ‘3’ are activities that are prime opportunities to delegate to coworkers, peers or direct reports. Responsibilities you listed as ‘1’ should stay with you. Caution – it's common for people to think everything they do falls into the ultra-important category of a ‘1’ activity. This isn’t the case. You’ll need to be self-policing in this area and honest with yourself as to what is a ‘1’ versus really being a ‘2 or 3’. Ask For Help First say to yourself, “I’m being unrealistic. I can’t do this all on my own. There are people around me who would love an opportunity to help.” Once you’ve had your moment of self reflection start assessing your surrounding team as well as the other teams or parts of your company. Pick out three to four people who have the potential to take on stretch assignments or additional work and speak with them about it. Tell them why you are seeking their help at which point you will then ask if they are interested. Remember – delegation isn’t throwing work on people and saying “I’ll see you when it’s done.” You are going to have to help the person get ramped up and be there to support them as the work kicks off. This may require more of your time in the beginning than you would like but the benefits that will come in the end far outweigh the time spent during the ramp up. Praise Effort, Not Just The Results Once you get the hang of delegating you may find yourself saying, “I can’t believe I didn’t do this earlier.” Now that you have removed work from yourself and are giving others an opportunity it’s important you are paying attention to the people doing the work, not just the work itself. All too often we focus on the end result, completely ignoring the effort and process that got us to completion. If you want people to continue helping you with future projects and work its important you focus on the effort they are putting in and praising that time. At the end of the day those people are helping make your job and life easier so it’s important you show them appreciation for that and do so often. People who feel like their time and work is valued will work effectively and diligently without you asking them to do so while producing the best results. “No person will make a great business who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit.” – Andrew Carnagie I’m a paperback reader, always have been, always will be. Sorry Kindle, you just don’t do it for me.
The act of reading allows us to experience life in a way that few mediums can truly impact us. When you find a great book it often has the power to uplift you from the present taking you to a far off place where you completely forget about time or the actual place you’re curled up in. Books can give off the feeling of hanging out with a new friend or the excitement of a first date. They can thrill us and keep us on edge for days on end as the story itself becomes a part of our life. When I hear people talk about books like this they are almost always referring to some sort of fiction based book, often times written by larger than life authors like Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, John Grisham, Dean Koontz and even Nicholas Sparks, to name a few. What if you could find a book that had this same type of impact but actually made a difference in the way you live, both personally and professionally? Of course, there are endless options to choose from but which ones are truly great. So great that these books stand on the shoulders of the other books which typically receive all the fanfare. Could such a book exist? With this very thought I began a quest to find some of the greatest books out there, searching for a lifetime of impact within a couple hundred pages. I started asking others about the books they’ve read which changed their life or the way they viewed themselves and their surroundings. I sought to understand why they loved the book and what change it brought about. My quest took me to read all sorts of different books, some living up to their recommendation, many falling far short of it, in my opinion. I didn’t want books that were just touted as great reads because they appeared on the New York Times Best Sellers list. I wanted book recommendations from people I trusted who shared with me these nuggets of knowledge based on their earth shattering experience. The following 10 books have impacted my life in a way that I didn’t think was possible before I set out to read each book. They changed me for the better professionally and personally, as a leader, as a friend, a colleague, a husband and father. They changed the way I care for others and how I show affection, they helped me with my vulnerability (let’s be honest this can be a tough thing for most men) and of course my thought process. For information on each book including author and a short write up on my experience with the book click here. In no particular order these are the 10 books that positively changed the way I live, work and think: Personal & Mindset: 1. The Go Giver (my #1 book) 2. 4 Seconds 3. Finding Ultra 4. Season of Life Professional/ Business Reading: 5. Good to Great 6. Authentic Leadership 7. The Answer 8. Start With Why 9. Spin Selling 10. Five Dysfunctions of a Team Each of these books has allowed me to transform myself into a better me, perhaps you will have a similar experience. I still have a long way to go as it’s not about the end result but the journey along the way. I have a lot to still learn and much more to read. I’m forever grateful to the people who recommended these readings. Recently I found myself in a really interesting conversation with a longtime friend about relationships, dating to be more specific. My friend was sharing with me that he had just started dating a new girl at the beginning of January and was excited about the chemistry they had at such an early stage in the relationship.
As the conversation continued I learned that my friend and his new girlfriend, yes titles are already in full swing four weeks into it, are moving rather quickly in their relationship and the conversations about future events and experiences are permeating their every moment. My friend, let’s call him Nacho, further shares that “things are escalating quickly”. Nacho confides in me that he’s in a bit of a tight situation as he’s only been dating his new girlfriend for about a month and Valentine’s Day is coming up in less than a week and doesn’t know what he should do. I had to laugh because I knew exactly where he was heading. What should good ole Nacho, or any man for that matter, do in this situation as his decision on the upcoming event could make or break the future of this new budding relationship. As we discussed further we concluded there were three main options to choose from:
As we further discussed each option I shared with him a phrase I’m all too familiar with in the professional setting and in this particular case found it rather helpful. “Nacho, what do you know about Managing Expectations?” I said. He immediately shared with me that ‘Managing Expectations is when you’re realistic upfront in order to prevent disappointment on the back end. Simply put – don’t over promise and under deliver.’ Bingo! Nacho hit it spot on. To find out which option Nacho picked and what the result was, click here. We’ve all done it at one point or another in our professional careers as leaders. You have that one (maybe more) under performing employee that manages to keep their job despite the multitude of poor performance reviews year in and year out, much to the displeasure of the teammates around them.
An under performing employee is a cancer to everyone around them. Cancer in that they have a strong ability to negatively impact others, spreading their under performing ways and often times attitudes which are capable of bringing down the performance of people who were previously good employees. What if I told you that a manager’s inability to terminate poor performers costs upwards of $675,000 per year in revenue? The cost of under performing employees is staggering! Staggering to the tune of 6.75 x annual salary. Imagine that you have an employee who is under performing exceptionally bad and that person is being paid $100k. Dr. John Sullivan of ERE says that it just takes one single big mistake and your employee who should have been terminated long ago just cost you $675,000 green backs. Maybe you don’t have a really bad employee, maybe they just under perform a little bit wavering on mediocre performance. Well, that mediocre performance can cost on average $225,000 a year, assuming the employee is at that $100k base. These are the tangible costs of indecision and lack of performance management. The intangible costs on the other hand are just as bad if not worse because of the rippling affect they have on a business. As I mentioned earlier, the cancerous employee can bring down entire departments causing low morale, perceived notions of management ineffectiveness, employment attrition, poor customer service, you name it. If the cost of not firing an under performing employee, tangible and intangible, are so high why don’t managers do something about it more readily? My experience being in a leadership role for the past decade as well as being a talent resource consultant for my clients during that time has lead me believe managers don’t fire under performing employees for the following reasons:
If the above tangible and intangible costs weren’t enough to encourage people to make swift decisions when dealing with their under performers, here’s another way to look at it. The current state of our economy as it relates to employment is interesting to say the least. Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock the last 12 months you’re probably aware that our country has been reporting record lows in the area of unemployment for quite some time. As always, there tends to be a fair amount of controversy over our national unemployment stats as people on both sides of the political fence love to refute or praise the numbers depending on their political affiliation. Last month our country got its latest update with respect to our national unemployment rankings which came in at a mere 4.9%. What that’s supposed to tell us is 95.1% of our country, or roughly 306 million of our family, friends and neighbors, are gainfully employed. The reason it is important to look at the current state of our economy and our unemployment numbers is because this has a very real and sobering impact to companies who are looking to hire new talent. When managers are in a situation where they keep poor performers the inevitable situation begins to play out where the company’s (or divisions, departments or teams) performance begins to decline. When service levels start to suffer and the bottom line starts to drop towards the floor boards the people on the high perch start looking for answers. As this plays out further the company’s willingness to house poor performers is eventually discovered and those perched above making most of the organizational decisions send out directives to the management team asking for swift and quick action in cleaning up under performing employees. This action can have all sorts of names, including: rif’s, top-grading, layoffs, purging and competitive landscaping, etc. Here’s why this is a dangerous situation to be in… When we make decisions having to do with the vitality of our team in the heat of the moment rather than proactively we’re making things more difficult than they need to be. When we all of a sudden have to fire that under performer, the person who’s been mailing it in for months, even years, we’re now scrambling to find a replacement in hopes we can uplift ourselves from the disaster that we’ve brought upon ourselves. But wait, didn’t we just talk about the fact that 95.1% of Americans are working right now? Now we’re faced with a whole new set of challenges. When we need to hire and are faced with an economy (like present) that is tight from a resources perspective all of a sudden we find ourselves caught up in things that are outside of our control, like:
It’s crucial you are PROACTIVE in your performance management and talent identification. Waiting to the last minute to deal with either of the two often times won’t produce the results you’re looking for, putting you in between that good old spot we like to call a rock and a hard place. Is Your Word Worth A Damn?5/20/2016 “Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.” I came across this quote over the weekend and found myself captivated by the bold statement it made. The words ‘commitment’, ‘loyal’ and ‘mood’ in particular stuck out to me as if they were capitalized, jumping off the page, further adding to the importance of the message.
The more I thought about it the more I began to consider a very interesting and unfortunate reality that we’re all faced with in business and our personal lives. As I continued to think about the meaning I was reminded of an old saying that went something like “you’re word is your bond and you’re only as good as your word”. Is this still the case today? I find many of the conversations and spoken words we’re exposed to today are just that, words and nothing more. These words are often times hollow, lacking depth and sincerity. When people speak the personal integrity which used to come right along with their spoken word back in the day now falls flat on its face in 2016. In the olden days business was done over handshakes and nods of affirmation. When someone said they were going to do something people knew they meant it and there was little thought otherwise on the matter. In the rare moments someone didn’t keep their word their reputation quickly become tarnished as the people they associated with would regard them as someone lacking integrity, having poor character and couldn’t be counted on. Given today’s social and business environments it’s apparent we’ve drifted from the days when a person’s word was basically the same as currency. Today, we often use words to fill silence, as a hollow courtesy, small talk where we don’t listen to the answer or as a way to exit the presence of another. Have you ever done one of these?
When we communicate in this way, making statements of commitment without following through, it negatively impacts our relationships as people begin to bring into question our:
If we’re all mostly good hearted then why do we make verbal commitments and not follow through? The reason is because we don’t realize the disparity between our intent and the impact of our words. Case in Point: When we run into an old friend or acquaintance we haven’t seen in a long time inevitably the conversation comes to an end. Often times that end sounds something like, “let’s get together soon and catch up.” I would guess more times than not that reunion never takes place and the second we’ve left the person we were talking too we’re quickly back into our lives, forgetting about the verbal commitment that was just made. In this case the situation was a social interaction, one which has limited consequences for our hollow commitment. Perhaps the surest test of an individual's integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect. Thomas S. MonsonWhat if we did this same thing in the office? It happens much more than you think it does in the professional setting and it’s negatively impacting our job and we don’t even know it. Case in Point: We’ve just left the break room and are scuttling back to our lair (office, cube, bean bag, what have you) to jump back into our day’s work. On our way we see a colleague coming towards us in an inevitable collision course which is going to require us to say something. As we begin to pass one another we speak up and say “Hi Bob, how are you” and keep walking. Major fail! We asked a disingenuous question and then had the nerve to not stick around to hear the answer. We gave Bob a glimpse of humanity then ripped his heart out by showing him we actually didn’t care about what he said. What if I told you that Bob just found out some really awful and disheartening news? As you were passing by him in the hallway, by the way you and Bob have been colleagues for years, he could have really used someone to talk too. By you asking how he’s doing what if he actually needed someone to talk to and it was more serious than a case of Mondays. We just asked Bob how he is doing, which we didn’t know in the moment that apparently he is pretty awful, then quickly hurried away without hearing the answer, further making him feel worse as if we don’t care about him or what he has to say. We would have been better off passing by him and saying nothing (I don’t recommend you stone wall people and not acknowledge their presence as this won’t take you far in your career) than saying something we didn’t mean and didn’t care to hear the answer too. If you want real enjoyment and prosperity in your life and relationships, whether that be personal or work, take the time to commit to your words. When we speak and follow up on those words with real action we begin to develop a reputation of someone who is dependable, trustworthy and the type of person you would call if you really needed help. My pledge - I will pay more attention to my words and follow through on my verbal commitments. When I ask someone how they are doing I will wait for the answer, listen intently and respond accordingly. Are you willing to make this same pledge with me? ‘It’ can be an exhilarating experience causing you to forget about the present time or one where you’re looking for the exit door in a panic as every minute passes by. You may think to yourself ‘where has this person been all my life’ or ‘as soon as I can end this politely we both know we’ll never talk again.’ You’re pitting out your button up shirt, not because it’s hot, because you’re nervous and trying to make a good impression. You’ve got butterflies in your stomach, but are those butterflies of excitement or butterflies leading to vomit?
Which experience am I describing here, a first date or a job interview? What if I told you I was describing both, a first date AND a job interview! We don’t often associate first dates and job interviews as one in the same however the more we look into each experience and how we act during them we come to find that both of these human interactions are eerily similar. How does knowing this information help me with dating and interviewing? Read on to find out… Let’s take a look at why first dates and job interviews share so much in common. - First Impressions: This is the holy grail of decision making when it comes to whether or not we like someone initially. Failure to have a good first impression will more often than not result in a second interaction never making the calendar. Psychologists call it "thin slicing." Within moments of meeting someone, we’re deciding and making assumptions on all sorts of things about the other person, from status, intelligence, career success and even promiscuity. This can be as quick as 7 seconds! What that means is that everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, which can make things tricky because often times both parties are wondering if the person they’re talking too is the ‘real’ John Doe or the in-character John Doe. - Chemistry: You know it when it exists. Things just seem easy. You laugh more, you tend to lean in closer to the other person more often and you even overlook potential red flags because your gut is already invested in the other person long before your brain has had a chance to catch up. On the other hand, when chemistry is lacking you feel like you’re on a date with your sister. It’s awkward and feel it from your fingers to your toes. - Communication: Communication is much more than just verbal, it also includes nonverbal cues like the unspoken word and body language. Ever been in an interview and eye contact communicated more in 4 seconds what a 10 minute conversation could accomplish? I’ve been there and it’s a powerful experience. When our verbal communication is locked in sync it can feel like we’ve been friends for years. When communication struggles it feels like pulling teeth to have an average conversation. Both people may be speaking English but it seems as if one person is speaking Russian while the other is a Mandarin linguist. We become bewildered and confused, not exactly a great start towards building a solid relationship. - Commonalities: “Wow, went to USC as well. Fight On!” “You’re from Handsome Eddy, New York also? What a small world.” Finding common ground during a first date or a job interview can immediately disarm both parties allowing more casual conversation to occur. Bonding takes place over the things we find out we have in common such as our love for golf, knitting that fabulous turtle neck sweater for the holidays or volunteering for a similar cause. It doesn’t really matter what it is so long as we have something in common. Most of us don’t realize that when we’re in the moment what we’re looking for is something we already know and like – ourselves. When we struggle to find something in common it has a direct negative impact to that chemistry we’re trying to build on. - Perception vs. Reality As the date and or job interview continues we inevitably begin to ask question to get to know the person in hopes of better understanding them and what they bring to the table. Many times what happens during these exchanges is that we get a glimpse into a person that isn’t very real at all. I don’t believe people do this on purpose, at least most people, however the fact of the matter is in a first date and job interview we are doing our darndest to put our best foot forward. As a result people can often times misrepresent themselves for who they are and what they’re all about. This is similar to the honeymoon stage where only after a period of time we’ll be able to know if the person today is the same tomorrow. - Emotion Love at first sight! Let’s face it, emotion is a part of every first date and job interview, but it can also help us or hurt us in our decisions. Help us in that if we become emotionally invested in the other person it allows us to overlook small red flags that otherwise might get in the way of us making a decision that could be good for both parties. Emotions can also hurt us because if we experience something which causes our ego or pride to be damaged we then make decisions that aren’t in the best interest of the interview or date but in protecting ourselves. - The Angle “What’s he really all about?” This is a very logical and typical thought for people to think during a job interview or first date. It signals that we’re trying to look behind the veil and see if we can uncover anything that isn’t necessarily being presented upfront. In the dating world ‘the angle’ often can be described as the feeling that the person is just hoping to go home with you for a nightcap to your first date. Job interviews can have the same outcome. Candidates are angling to get a job, sometimes presenting themselves in a light which makes them appear more qualified than they really are. Employers also do the same by up-selling the career opportunity to entice candidates to consider the role even though the actual work might not be nearly as glamorous as how it was made out to be. What does all of this mean? It means that people by their very nature go about experiences, such as first dates and interviewing for jobs, in a fairly predictable way. While the outcome might be out of our control, the way we go into the experience and how we handle ourselves during the experience greatly influences the outcome. Knowing this information, that first dates and job interviews are similar, can help you go through each experience with a broader perspective allowing you to make better decisions for yourself and potential career or company. Next time you find yourself on a first date or job interview remember that these human experiences are designed to see if it is worth it or not to have a second go around. The best approach is to just be yourself, as a result you’ll find that your interactions with others are far more valuable to you and the person on the other side of the table. About the AuthorTravis Smith is the founder and managing director of Square-1 Engineering, a medical device consulting firm, providing end to end engineering and compliance services. He successfully served the life sciences marketplace in SoCal for over 15 years and has been recognized as a ‘40 Under 40’ honoree by the Greater Irvine Chamber of Commerce as a top leader in Orange County, CA. Categories
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