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​There’s a wonderful and powerful truth which exists in many facets of life having to do with relationships and leadership.  It’s powerful because the impact it creates when utilized is immense, whereas it’s also a wonderful truth because it’s a quality we all possess completely free of charge.
This amazing truth I speak of which impacts all of our relationships, our ability to lead and our professional experience is the all-powerful art of listening.  You know, the opposite of talking, as in not speaking and allowing others to talk. I know, this is a foreign concept for many of us.

Why is listening an important habit to develop to be a good leader, friend, spouse, etc?  Those who possess the ability to listen earnestly experience deeper relationships, advanced awareness of how they show up and how others are impacted by them (EQ), are genuine in their care for others and are touted as being “leaders people would run through a wall for”.  To become an exceptional leader, friend or spouse, you must learn to develop your listening skills. 

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Well, that’s not very profound.  I listen all the time.” 

But, do you really listen, or as you simultaneously thinking about the next question or statement you’re going to say once the other person is done talking?

Let’s see how good of a listener you are.  If you’ve done one of the following in the last week you’ll want to continue reading this article:

1. Interrupted someone while they were talking
2. Judged someone or jumped to a conclusion before they finished speaking
3. Continued typing on your computer or texting on your phone while someone was talking
4. Responded to someone’s statement or question with:
   1. Defensiveness
   2. A question or statement unrelated to the persons first comment
   3. Haste
   4. Blame
5. During a conversation you responded with interjections such as ‘yah’, ‘Hmmmm’ or ‘uh-huh’ (hate when I do this)
6. Tapped your fingers or fidgeted frequently during a conversation

The list goes on, and on, however these six items seem to be the biggest perpetrators of what we see from people who aren’t fully engaged and listening.

Why don’t listen?  Short answer – our egos get in the way of allowing someone else the stage to talk.  

​The long answer – Perhaps you’re the exception as your listening skills are top notch.  For everyone else out there, which I’ll gladly throw myself into this boat, we struggle with listening.  We tell ourselves that others are wrong; only we know the truth; “I don’t have time for this”.  We also say things like “I can multi-task while we’re talking”; or think things like ‘my point makes more sense’, ‘they’re idiots’, ‘they must not see the big picture’ (love that one), ‘they have to hear my side before we can move on’.  While all of these responses are rather normal, each of them grows from the belly of the ego.  We’re also an ever growing impatient bunch of people.  With so much going on in the world today it’s easy to fall into the trap that we don’t have time to have a conversation, especially if that conversation isn’t of grave importance.

Leaders – read closely here.  The success of your job depends on your ability to listen.  Forbes writer Glenn Llopis says that when “leaders judge, they expose their immaturity and inability to embrace differences.”  Did you know that your act of not listening actually sent such a strong communication to the person on the other end?  Imagine how it made them feel!

How can we fix this?  Short answer – zip it (our mouths that is) and focus on the person in front of you. Long answer – read ‘Action Item’ below.

WHY should we focus on being better listeners?

Key Take Away
If you haven’t come to the conclusion by now, we may need to get some backup in here asap.  Let me get to the point then.  Your job and career as a leader depends on it.
People follow and support leaders who live a servants’ mentality which means when their people have an idea, a question, a problem, or a wild haired suggestion, they listen as if listening is going out of style.  Being a servant doesn’t mean a leader is weak, it means their people and company come first, before themselves.  Conversation is the gateway to a persons’ mind, body and soul.  Its best we listen or we’ll run the chance of missing out on some truly incredible moments.

Action Item
Next time you’re confronted with someone wanting your attention to converse be sure to put away your phone, your work at hand, close your computer screen or turn it off, close your door for that matter.  Do whatever you need to in order to give the person on the other side of the table your complete and undivided attention.  You’ll be happy you did as a results of the conversation will be far better while leaving the person on the other side of the table feeling like they were heard and cared for.

​Back in January of this year I was less than a month away from being a first time Dad.  To put it bluntly, I was scared!  What do I know about raising a kid and how will I show up for our daughter so that she grows up to be a strong and healthy young woman?  It’s a daunting thought process for a new parent as there is so much left to the unknown. What I hoped was that I would be able to lean on some of my leadership experiences from my career to get me through the soon to be experience of being a parent.

​Six months later I’m amazed at what I’ve learned along the way about being a father.  Infants have much to teach us as their souls give us a glimpse into perfection.  They don’t have a negative bone in their body as their main desire in life is to be loved and cared for.  Simple as that.  Accomplish that and they’ll love you unconditionally.  Along the way I’ve picked up some nuggets of knowledge, which mind you were bestowed on be by an infant, and are now the cornerstone for my focus in business and as a leader.

​> Caring for others without expectation
I’ve learned quickly the importance and result of what happens when you give all of yourself to someone for their benefit and their benefit only.  When we do things for people because we’re looking to get something in return it cheapens the relationship as the receiver almost always sees through the other person.  What’s amazing is infants have this same perceptive quality.  When you care for them unconditionally they love you no matter what.  They appreciate and respect your kindness and give it back a thousand times what was originally offered.  Leadership is the same way.  Put yourself out there for others placing their careers ahead of your own and you’ll have a team of people who happily run through brick walls, achieving great heights along the way.

> Patience
Even if you don’t have kids you’ve probably heard this…kids require a lot of patience.  My whole life I’ve struggled in this area yet through some caring feedback over the years I’ve managed to slowly improve.  My daughter requires a whole new level of patience that I’ve never had to deploy before yet I find myself yearning for the opportunity to give it.  What you come to realize is that many times people don’t do things on purpose which leads to feeling of being upset, frustrated, irritated, etc which is what can cause people to lose their patience.  A lot of times it’s just a simple miscommunication.  When we keep this top of mind at work we can approach situations with a calmer, more understanding mindset which alleviates our need to get fired up.

> It’s the small things that count
It’s so easy to get wrapped up in life, focusing on things that are completely irrelevant to our day or perhaps even the reason for being alive in the first place.  I must admit, I struggle with this often.  One of the best things I’ve learned from my daughter is most of the worldly challenges I’m faced with are actually quite insignificant and the reality is that some of the smallest things in life are what really makes a difference.  A great example is every morning when I go to get her out of her crib (sometimes at a ripe 5:15AM mind you) I’m greeted with the biggest toothless smile you could ever image.  It goes ear to ear and immediately puts me in my happy place.  It’s moments like these that are great reminders for us that life is not all about spreadsheets, bottom lines and performance reviews.  If we take this same approach with our employees at work we’ll find ourselves much more satisfied with our career experience.

> The Platinum Rule of Relationships
The Golden Rule is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated oneself.  I’ve learned from my daughter that the ‘Platinum Rule’ is far more effective as the focus is to ‘treat others the way they want to be treated’.  If I take the time to do the things which are important to my daughter (like throwing blocks, yelling at trees, bouncing to music or gnawing on the couch cushions) I find she’s far more involved and happy with me than when I have her do something I want to do. (which typically means she’s sitting there supervising me from her Bumbo)  This same rule applies to our employees as when we treat them how they want to be treated and not how we ourselves want to be treated it sends a very specific message that we care about them and what’s important to their cause.

> FUN
While this may sound a little cliché I can assure you it is all too real.  I’ve grown up experiencing a life full of grand adventures and silly shenanigans.  Let’s just say I’ve had a lot of fun living life yet somewhere along the way I forgot how to have good, honest fun.  How to pretend.  My daughter reminds me that having fun is a state of mind and should be a source of achievement often.  While that may sound daunting and rather tiresome to focus on always having fun I can assure you the other side of the coin sucks royally.  When you aren’t having fun life feels like it’s just dragging on by.  So now if we aren’t having fun I make an abrupt face change in what we’re doing so that she’s smiling and giggling all over again.  Your employees will do the same.  If you purposefully make their work environment an enjoyable place to be your employees will enjoy coming to work, rather than having a serious case of the Mondays.

Could your boss stand up to a Jedi from the movie Star Wars?  Before you go dismissing it as if there’s no way in hell your boss could go toe to toe with a Jedi, let’s take a moment to see how GREAT leaders stand up to the defenders of the galaxy and beyond.
As you may know by now, Star Wars is back!  Han Solo, along with Chewy, R2D2, and a whole list of other great supporting characters, reunited for a movie that is sure to break all sorts of box office records, sending fans screaming for more.  Growing up in a generation where Star Wars was basically the second coming, I found myself oddly intrigued with the concept of the Jedi and that little green guy named Yoda. 
With the new movie coming out in December I’ve spent some time reading up on what it’s all about and in the process I’ve stumbled upon an interesting parallel between the Jedi and present day business leadership. (Good leadership, that is)  Weird as that may seem, it’s striking the similarities when you put them side by side one another.
Before we get into those similarities, it would be good to provide a little overview of who the Jedi are in the event you’ve been living under a rock for the past 40 some odd years and aren’t familiar with them.  The Jedi are the protectors of ‘good’ and vanquishers of ‘evil’ in the movie saga, Star Wars, which was originally released in 1977 by George Lucas.  Jedi live their lives to serve others and have an insatiable drive and focus on honing their craft, which is the search for knowledge and the development of the use of the ‘Force’.
Now that we have a basic understanding of our Jedi compadres, let’s take a look at their characteristics:
serving others, patience, humility, discipline, honesty, loyalty, responsibility, teaching others, listening, observing, preparedness, positive mindset, defending others 
Now, think about your boss.  Hopefully doing that doesn’t make you spasm with angst.  Go back through the list of Jedi characteristics and see how many of them your boss possesses.  If you’re part of the growing number of Americans in the work force which have underperforming leaders you may find that your current boss would get their rear end handed to them in a battle royale against a Jedi.  We’re at a (good) leadership deficit in the States, and the gap only seems to be widening.  That said, you may need to compare the characteristics of the Jedi to the best leader you know; in doing so, things start to balance out.  It won’t be perfect but what you’ll see is the similarities between being a great leader in business and being a Jedi in Star Wars are one in the same. 
It all starts with mindset.  To be a Jedi, you have to master your mindset first, then you can move onto the incredibly difficult, life consuming task of training.  If you are a Jedi you know firsthand it is impossible to be perfect therefore rigorous training and continuous development are essential.  Being a great leader is exactly the same.  To be a great leader one must have a positive mindset which then becomes the foundation for who they are, WHY they do what they do and what they stand for.  Only then can a leader in todays’ business world successfully start to lead others.
It doesn’t stop with our mindset, it also has to do with our outlook on people.  Both Jedi and great leaders serve others, viewing leadership as a servant role rather than a perch which one can dictate from.  When we focus on serving others we find that we are more patient, humble about who we are and what our part is in the grand scheme of things and ready to take blame while defending others when need be.  Great leaders spread the wealth and give praise to those around them rather than taking the kudos themselves.  Their team is first, as they are a servant and only as good as those who make up the team.
Good leadership, like being a Jedi, can only be accomplished when we are sound of mind.  Our self-health is a prime indicator to our success rate in leadership.  When leaders focus on having an open positive mindset, are continuously developing themselves and lead by example, they are building the cornerstone for a present day Jedi, one which others will follow willingly not because they are told too, but because they believe in them.
Like being a Jedi, being a leader is a commitment often times larger than life itself and to be great you must CHOOSE to do so.  One cannot just say “I’m going to be a great leader”, it’s your actions, not just words that make the difference.  Once you develop the correct mindset, you will find your inner Jedi emerges, helping you lead successfully while serving those who are the most important – your team.

Zip it up!  Not the fly on your knickers. (then again, if your fly is down please do zip it up)
Zip it, your mouth that is!  Our mouths enjoy writing checks our bodies can’t cash and it’s going to catch up with us in a hurry, if it already hasn’t.
Are you getting a bit agitated that someone would tell you to close your mouth and listen?  Don’t worry, I struggle with this as well, along with the large majority of leaders in business, politics, sports…you name it.
I’m writing this with a bit of tongue-in-cheek on purpose, but I promise my brazen efforts are only to share with you a great truth about leadership.  That truth is the art of listening.  As in, not speaking and allowing others to talk, a foreign concept for many of us.
Why is listening an important habit to develop to be a good leader?  Those who possess the ability to listen earnestly experience deeper relationships, advanced awareness of how they show up and how others are impacted by them (EQ), are genuine in their care for others and are touted as being “leaders people would run through a wall for”.  To become an exceptional leader, you must develop your ability to listen. 
You may be thinking, “Well, that’s not very profound.  I listen all the time.”  But, do you really listen?
Let’s see how good of a listener you are.  If you’ve done one of the following in the last week you’ll want to continue reading this article:

1. Interrupted someone while they were talking
2. Judged someone or jumped to a conclusion before they finished speaking
3. Continued typing on your computer or texting on your phone while someone was talking
4. Responded to someone’s statement or question with:
   1. Defensiveness
   2. A question or statement unrelated to the persons first comment
   3. Haste
   4. Blame
5. During a conversation you responded with interjections such as ‘yah’, ‘Hmmmm’ or ‘uh-huh’ (hate when I do this)
6. Tapped your fingers or fidgeted frequently during a conversation

The list goes on, and on, however these six items seem to be the biggest perpetrators of what we see from people who aren’t engaged and listening.
Why is it we don’t listen?  Short answer – our egos get in the way of allowing someone else the stage to talk. 
The long answer – Perhaps you’re the exception as your listening skills are top notch.  For everyone else out there, which I’ll gladly throw myself into this boat, as leaders we struggle with listening.  We tell ourselves that others are wrong; only we know the truth; “I don’t have time for this”; I can multi-task while we’re talking; my point makes more sense; they’re idiots; they must not see the big picture (love that one); they have to hear my side before we can move on, etc.  With so much going on in the world today it’s easy to fall into the trap that you don’t have time to have a conversation, especially if that conversation isn’t of grave importance.
Leaders – read closely here.  The success of your job depends on your ability to listen.  Forbes writer Glenn Llopis says that when “leaders judge, they expose their immaturity and inability to embrace differences.”  Did you know that your act of not listening actually sent such a strong communication to the person on the other end?  Imagine how it made them feel!
How can we fix this?
Short answer – zip it (our mouths that is) and focus on the person in front of you.
Long answer – put away your phone, your work at hand, close your computer screen or turn it off, close your door for that matter and stop mulling over that rerun episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians you watched for the sixth time last night.  Do whatever you need to in order to give the person on the other side of the table your complete and undivided attention.
WHY should we focus on being better listeners?
If you haven’t come to the conclusion by now, we may need to get some backup in here asap.  Let me get to the point then.  Your job and career as a leader depends on it.
People follow and support leaders who live a servants’ mentality which means when their people have an idea, a question, a problem, or a wild haired suggestion, they listen as if listening is going out of style.  Being a servant doesn’t mean a leader is weak, it means their people and company come first, before themselves.  Conversation is the gateway to a persons’ mind, body and soul.  Its best we listen or we’ll run the chance of missing out on some truly incredible moments.