Suffering from ‘Yes’ Syndrome? Here’s How to Fix It!

Have you found yourself saying ‘Yes’ to something at work and as you said it you wished you had said ‘No’? 

This sound familiar:

Coworker: “Hey Jezebel, we’re starting a new project team to [insert mindless crap you don’t want to do] and we need an extra person.  I know you’re swamped, it’s last minute and a bit outside your work but we could really use the help.”

Jezebel: [yes, this is you] “Oh I don’t know, I’m really busy with a lot of other projects.  I’m in over my head already.”

Coworker: “C’mon, we really could use your help.  We don’t have any other options and we can’t do it without you.  Plus, you’re good at running projects.  I’ll buy you lunch too!”

Jezebel: [still you] “Ughhh, okay fine.  Just let me know when we’ll start.”

Coworker: “Right now.”

Let’s be honest here – this has happened to all of us at one point or another, and I’ve been Jezebel on more occasions than I’d care to admit.  So why do we have such a hard time saying no at work?

Here’s are the nine most common reasons why we say yes at work when no is what we’re screaming from the mountain tops, silently in our heads of course:

• We’re seeking approval
• Wanting to belong
• Cooperation/ Being a team player
• Avoiding exclusion (FOMO)
• Control
• Self-Esteem, popularity, reputation
• Fear
• Guilt
• Subjugation [all you people pleasers this is your calling card]

Saying yes when you really want to say no is indeed a problem.  According to the Harvard Business Review many of us say yes to avoid conflict at the office.  When we experience this it leaves us deflated, frustrated and stressed.  It can also lead to resentment between coworkers and an unhealthy work environment.  Sounds fantastic!

So how do we go about saying no while doing so professionally and politely?

Dr. Travis Bradley, author of the best-selling book ‘Emotional Intelligence 2.0’ and contributor for Forbes Magazine, summarizes the art of saying no beautifully in 5 steps:

1. Find Your Yes [know what’s important to you]
2. Sleep on It
3. Sandwich the No Between Two Yeses
4. Say No & Mean It [don’t beat around the bush]
5. Be Prepared to Repeat Yourself [don’t let push back push your no to a yes]

When we say no our “ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects you’re in the drivers seat of your own life.  It gives you a sense of empowerment.” – Vanessa Patrick, Prof at University of Houston

In theory this sounds fantastic.  It’s a new sense of self.  We’re walking tall and not going to take crap from no one.  We’re almost begging for an opportunity to show off our new ‘No’ skills.  Before you go off dodging and ducking everything that comes your way at the office make sure you keep in mind two things before you consider a ‘No’:

1. Is this request important to my boss or the company?
2. Will I gain experience that is helpful to my career by doing this?

If the answer to either of these questions is yes be sure to purposefully slow your decision making down and get introspective.   

​Making decisions about your career, involvement in work at the office, supporting your boss or other management and professional opportunities up for considered is no easy task.  It’s rarely a black and white decision as moments like this love to play in the gray area.  When you’re confronted with a tough decision and you feel like you want to say no quickly think about the two questions above, assess the situation then move forward with your answer.  If ‘No’ is still the right choice be sure to follow Dr. Bradberry’s advice to ensure your no lands as best as possible with your audience.