5 Reasons Leaders Experience Loneliness & How to Overcome It

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Leadership is one of the hardest things a person can do.  There’s no manual, no playbook, no cliff notes that give leaders the ‘secret sauce’ to successfully lead the charge.  Sure there are thousands of avenues one could go to learn more about leadership however at the end of the day it’s still a job that mainly rests on intangible actions like care, intuition and respect for the very people leaders serve.

Leading can be a lonely experience. 

The feeling of loneliness at the top is much more common than most people realize as more than 50% of leaders indicate they have experienced loneliness at one point or another in their career.  The stats are even higher for first time leaders at a whopping 70%.

When leaders experience solitary the impacts can be devastating.  Isolation and loneliness have a direct negative affect on a leaders’ performance which then directly impacts their employees, departments, business units and companies. 

How is it then that leaders find themselves down in the dumps?  Some of the most common causes are:
1. Forced Isolation
Leaders often times seclude themselves from the rest of the group by working in an office which can create imaginary barriers between them and their staff.  Closing the door actual creates a real barrier that communicates “I’m not available and don’t have time for you”.  Regardless if this isolation was intentional or unintentional it produces the same results where the leaders’ staff hesitates to communicate with their boss, or not at all.

2. Decision Making
In most businesses decision making is typically left to the people carrying the torch.  When decisions go well all is good in the world yet when decisions produce less than spectacular results the leader is left out in the cold to take the brunt of the responsibility.  It’s part of the job but it can also produce isolation at a whole new level which isn’t typically understood or felt by the leaders direct reports.

3. Don’t Ask For Help
Many times isolation is self-inflicted as leaders don’t ask for help from their teams or peers.  There’s an unspoken feeling for many leaders which goes something like, “they expect me to know everything because that’s what I get paid for”.  Thoughts like this can be incredibly damaging and certainly have no justifiable basis for being correct or healthy.

4. Lack Humility
When leaders act in a way which broadcasts ‘I’m more important than you because I’m in a leadership role’ employees quickly disengage, refraining from putting effort in to build relationships with their leaders or working hard on their behalf.  When leaders act this way many times it can be attributed to ego.

5. Poor Treatment of Others
​One of the quickest ways a leader can find themselves on solo island is by treating their employees or staff in a poor manner, as they lack emotional intelligence.  When employees feel like they aren’t valued or respected they withdraw which commonly leads to limited interaction and feedback with leadership.  The result is a drift occurs in the organization between what leadership wants and what employees are doing.

Let’s be clear here, we aren’t about to throw a pity party for our leaders.  They’re grown ups right, big boys and big girls who have made the choice to enter leadership on their own accord.  So if they’re feeling isolated or lonely than it’s by their own doing, right? 

Not necessarily. 

While we’d all love to think that statement above is accurate the reality is that employees do in fact have some ownership in the leadership isolation situation.  Employees have a unique ability to see things their leaders don’t, hear things their leaders don’t and help in situations their leaders would otherwise be clueless about.

These five options when implemented help to foster an environment of support and mutual respect, one in which both leader and employee benefits from:

1. Leaders need to develop a servants mindset for their employees
2. Employees need to commit to giving feedback to leadership in real time
3. Leaders need to develop peer groups and or an advisory group
4. Leaders should focus on getting a coach or mentor
5. Leaders need to humble themselves and ask their employees for help and feedback

When leaders and employees work together and support one another it significantly reduces the likelihood people of any kind will experience isolation. 

​“There is no respect for others without humility in one's self.” - Henri Frederic Amiel