Monday Quickie – Step Aside as the Leader to Win

A Powerful Read on Leadership

​I recently finished reading a powerful book called The Dichotomy of Leadership, which is a follow-up to the number one best-selling book Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. The authors, who happen to be highly decorated Navy SEALs, share their inspiring and at times scary tales from the battlefield, relating how those experiences blend with real-world business and boardroom leadership challenges.

The Balancing Act of Leadership

​The book The Dichotomy of Leadership struck a chord with me as I’ve struggled over the years with the balancing act that takes place in leadership. This balancing act—or dichotomy—is an ever-present daily tug of war, often between two extremes that are intrinsically linked, yet incredibly challenging to consistently toe the line between successfully.

What does "Dichotomy" really mean?

Dichotomy itself is an interesting word, rife with conflict. It’s defined as a contrast between two things that are, or are represented as being, opposed or entirely different.
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(Example: In leadership, there’s the push and pull of how friendly you become with your employees—too friendly and you lose their respect or ability to make tough decisions, whereas not being friendly enough alienates you as a leader and keeps you from truly knowing your people.)

The Misconception: Leaders Must Always Lead

As I was reading, one of the dichotomies the authors discussed really hit home: the contrast between leading and following. There’s a strong misconception in leadership that if you’re in a leadership role, you must always be leading. Decisions should come from leaders. Strategies should be dreamed up by leaders.
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This is an ego-centric mentality—and frankly, it’s incredibly outdated in today’s business world. Yet, this idea that “leaders must always be leading” still shows up in most companies we encounter every day.

My Wake-Up Call as a Leader

​My awakening from this book came from reflecting on my own shortcomings—and yes, ego—as a leader. I used to think: “As a leader, it’s up to me to decide the direction we’re taking and therefore the decisions we’re making.” Unfortunately, that thought process is incredibly short-sighted.

Following is Leading

The true nature of a good leader, as the book artfully describes, is someone who understands that they can be in a leadership role and still lead while following. Sounds strange at first, but it’s possible—and more importantly, it’s highly impactful within an organization.
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When a leader willingly follows, it sends a powerful message to the team: they’re doing what’s best for the greater good, not just serving themselves.

A Real-World Example

Imagine the CEO of XYZ Company has a tough decision to make about the future direction of her company and the potential new markets they’re considering.

Traditional leadership would dictate that she—based on her title and authority—makes the decision alone, perhaps after collecting some input. That’s how it’s always been done.
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However, a leader who understands the balance between leading and following may recognize that while she holds the leadership seat, she doesn’t always have to be the one leading.

Empowering Others by Following

Going back to our CEO of XYZ Company—let’s say she receives advice from an employee that sparks a strong growth opportunity. A leader who embraces this dichotomy would empower that employee to take ownership of the initiative.
The CEO chooses to follow, helping the idea move forward while allowing the employee to lead. She supports the employee behind the scenes and allows them to shine.
She’s still leading—but through following—because that’s what’s best for the company.

Key Takeaway

One of the most challenging things to balance as a leader is knowing when to lead versus when to follow. Leaders who insist on always leading often lose sight of what’s best for their company—and struggle with humility.

By stepping aside and choosing to follow, leaders encourage others to share ideas, step up, and take real ownership. It also helps create a culture of trust and collaboration.
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Recognize when your ego is influencing your choices. One of the most impactful decisions you can make as a leader is to set your ego aside to make space for others to take the wheel—and encourage them to do so.

Action Item

​If you struggle with the balancing act of leadership—especially the “leading vs. following” challenge—I highly recommend picking up The Dichotomy of Leadership by Willink and Babin.
The nuggets of insight and practical, real-world examples these two authors share will open your eyes to new and more effective approaches to leadership.

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